


Nice Legs Daisy Dukes Make a Man Go *Police Sirens*

by JerkedBeef



Category: Persona 5
Genre: Alternate Universe - Detectives, Crossdressing, I'll add more tags are things progress, It's serious I swear, M/M, Romantic Comedy, Sarcasm, Sexual Humor, Slow Burn, pwease i'm only but a fragile gamer
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-01
Updated: 2020-05-01
Packaged: 2021-03-01 23:15:18
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,604
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23955202
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JerkedBeef/pseuds/JerkedBeef
Summary: Kunikazu Okumura, Boom, Dead, Gone. Leaving a murder case to be solved.Who would it be the one to do it other than Goro Akechi and his by-commission-backdoor-suspicious-crossdressing-constant teasing-crackhead energy?-partner Akira Kurusu, that he is absolutely NOT inlove with?Mr. Okumura isn't the only one who went down, multiple incidents have happened throughout the city. It's going to be a wild ride.A weird-tensioned love story between 2 idiots. Prepare for loads of innuendos, sarcasm, and bad choices in humor. Maybe some sexy action too.
Relationships: Akechi Goro/Amamiya Ren, Akechi Goro/Kurusu Akira
Comments: 4
Kudos: 53





	Nice Legs Daisy Dukes Make a Man Go *Police Sirens*

**Author's Note:**

> BRACE YOURSELVES. THIS ONES ABOUT TO BE PRETTY CRINGE.
> 
> This quarantine be slappin a little different fr, If I aint gonna lie that i didn't serotonin rush through my skull from completing this chapter.
> 
> It's been a while for me writing wise, so feel free to critique if you will, or if you have any suggestions/questions/etc. I'm a lonely creature.
> 
> Now Enjoy the....Trickster....Game.....
> 
> *smokescreens away*

“Akechi. Do you have a moment?” A blunt voice was bitten before me.

I looked up, hearing a recognizable voice.

Matching the profile, it was the one and only Sae Niijima; My higher up. We work under the same branch together in our current office. She prosecutes and organizes cases, while I’m the one who gathers Intel on the situation and sneaks around for information in regards.

On the lower end of the stick in this part of our office, I’m practically their dog, but they all mean well here.

I’ve been working in this detective business for a while now, at first I was an apprentice while in High-School due to my high grades and was approved for a program on the campus I was attending.

After that, I was able to track down an important case, and let’s say, it was only natural for me to slide right into their ranks. 

Sae was actually my teacher while I was studying. I’ve always been under her wing.

“Oh, Sae. Something on your mind?”

“To put it simply, In the meeting I had with the director, we’re passing on the duty for you to investigate some details behind the Okumura case. From what he told me, there’s going to be a banquet to honor the reboot of Okumura Food’s and it’s new CEO, Haru Okumura. With rival businesses attending and the culprit still being on the loose, we thought this would be a good opportunity to get in a few leads. Okumura did seem to meddle with treason for his own gain, exploiting workers and unbearable conditions. There’s rumor where he was messing with things even deeper. 

“I don’t mind this notion one bit but….. Are you sure I won’t stand out? Especially with the recent media and all. Not trying to brag here… But I have gained a great following lately on social media.” 

This wasn’t a lie. I started getting known as the Detective Prince all while dealing with the case I had in High School. People thought it was enticing to see a young fellow with appealing looks go after some crooks. 

“This was discussed…. But we came to terms that somebody with a known popularity like you would be more reason for you to go, some might even trust you, or even want to involve you in their schemes. Basically, you’d fit in with the other members.

She looked down, and tapped her index finger rapidly on her adjacent crossed arm. She took in a thought for a quick moment before continuing.

“It would be wise if you had somebody else to escort you, If you so desire, I can assign somebody to assist with you on this operation.”

I gave out one of my typical “princely” grins. “There’s no need to do that. And besides, I already have somebody on my mind if that were the case.”

“You mean..” Her face instantly went to a look of disappointment. Sighing, and pinching the bridge of her nose.

“You're going to commission that weird crossdressing guy again are you.” Her groaning surfaced once more at the end of her sentence. 

“Look. I don’t care for the choices you make. But I like to remind you how he’s a neutral party and could leak everything we’ve built up until now. Completely ruin a case at any time. On Top of that, we have no ideas of what his true motive is and we still don’t know how he operates.”

“But….. Has he ever failed us before?” I said, Rebutting her statement.

“Don’t have me answer that.” One final puff escaped her lips. “I’ll send the information over in a file by the end of the day. Keep your notifications on.”

“Always do.”

It was a win on my end, as always.

-

\--

\---

_**BZZZPT BZZZPT BZZPPT BZZPPT BZZPPT BZZPPT** _

5 rings. 

This man is really sleeping in again now isn’t he. I looked at my wrist watch for a moment to check the time. It was 3:15 PM. 

Before thinking I was going to be sent to voicemail, a click was made.

Ah. So he decided to pick up. 

**... _So he decided to pick up._**

All I could hear on the other line was tussling and miscellaneous noises. Knowing the outcome I was about to face, I prepared by inching the phone far away from my face.

“On _ **GODDDDD**_. _Who_ the ****FUCK**** is calling _me_.” blasted out of the speaker.

Yep. I’m in for it now.

I did the worst thing possible: Wake Akira Kurusu up. It’s always a Russian roulette with his sleep schedule. Calls to him are like a ticking time bomb with infinite outcomes.

After hearing another round of vague noises on the other end, the phone finally reached a calm silence, then the man spoke in a quieter yet sharp tone.

“ **Who.** ” A sharp answer.

“Morning my sweet belladonna. Did I wake you?”

“Gnnrhngggnhg.” It didn’t take brain power at all to feel the aching grogginess power he was radiating.

I couldn’t help but chuckle a bit. 

“I’m sorry, should I call back?”

“Maybe just 5 more minutes.”

  
“It’s 3pm.”

“Yongenjaya changed time zones by court of law, so technically speaking, it’s only 12 in my area.”

  
  
“Are you still saying that’s a reasonable hour to sleep in”

“PLEASE GORO….I was at Crossroads til 4 this morning and I promised Shiho I’d open for her at Rafflesia while she had an errand to run.”

Akira was a man with many jobs, differentiating from morning till the break of dawn. In the past he’s even said himself how he’d do anything for money, even if it means to lick the end of someone’s shoe. I would judge however, but these frequent occupations of his are what make him who he is, and have opened him to many different information sources. After all, These jobs are a mask to cover up his true job as an underground mercenary of some sort. I’ve told him multiple times he could permanently work by my side and could throw in a word of recommendation with the agency, but he insists that if the agency looked into his past and his clients found out he worked with the law, it would make things go downhill for him. 

We’ve been having this odd business relationship for a few years now. 

My under-the-table commissioned partner, Akira Kurusu.

“Ah. I see. For doing the crime of waking up sleeping beauty, could I treat you to breakfast? There are matters I wanted to discuss.” 

“Matters? Are you breaking up with me, detective?”

Here it comes. Akira’s subtle flirting. It’s a big personality trait for him, even sometimes it can be too much for me.

At least I like to think.

“Quite the opposite, actually.”

“Marriage.”

  
“Akira.”

“Officer. I say yes.”

“Sae gave me the task of finding leads that go back to the Okumura case, I believe I mentioned him to you a few weeks back. But, if you cared to join me on this matter, I could give you a big cut.”

“You always know how to get my motor running.” Cringey purr noises were heard. “How much are we talking, detective?”

“If we figure out something, It should be around @(#*%(&)% yen.”

“Talk about being able to do the honeymoon before the wedding. Fantastic, Leblanc at 5.” 

“Always the curry place…”

“Hey now. I get discounted since I work there. It’s cheap and don’t even DARE try to tell me that the food isn’t good. I make it myself half the time.”

“Can’t say I don’t prefer the taste of my future housewife’s cooking. But, You know I could always treat you to something fancier if you requested.” 

I always say how I’m not big on Akira’s flirting, but I think what I hate more is how I always give in and retaliate. His influence knows no bounds.

“But, Goro! W….Why would I do that?!. I-I’m after your personality after all!”

Sure he is. Honestly, between you; reader and I. If Akira wished for something atrocious like an expensive piece of jewelry, I’d happily oblige. He’s an important cooperator of mine and I wouldn’t do anything to lose him. He’s valuable to me.

“I already know you said that with a straight face and no empathy behind it, Kurusu.”   
  


“Well, to be honest, I’d probably just attempt to suck your cock under the table if we went for a fat steak if I had to be honest.” 

“ _Emphasis_ on the Attempt.”

“What did he mean by this?”

“Everybody knows you put out on the first date.”

“You shouldn’t talk to your wife like this.”

“I thought my wife preferred it when I did.” 

“WHAT”

“..Hmm?”

“Just meet me at Leblanc. I’m not gonna talk to a man who makes a move on me.”

“But You... You.. literally did it first.”

**CLIIIICK.**

All I could do is sigh. I never know if he’s a tsundere or just plain stupid at times.

  
  


_**[[[[[[[[[[ --- And Now For Somewhere on Another side of the world --- ]]]]]]]]** _

“OoooOooh~ Akira! You're up early. What gives?” On the couch slouching while reading a magazine, a girl with blonde twin-tails looks up at the man with an ungodly mass of bed head.

Ann Takamaki.

“My pay pig beckons for me.” Mr. Bedhead responded with a yawn and a deadpan face. He was inching over towards the door, preparing to slip his shoes on.

A giggle slipped through the girl’s lips. “Tell Akechi I said hi! Also.. Shiho also wanted me to give you thanks for covering her shift earlier. She couldn’t find anybody else to pick up for her and that doctor’s appointment was more important than anything. So this is that. Thank you.” a fat grin was displayed.

That smile mirrored onto the man’s lips. “Of course, if anything else comes up, she can always rely on me. If it’s okay to ask….How’s her father been?”

“He’s…” A pause. “He’s doing better, but it’s still going to take some time before he’s at his full 100%. We’re just glad he’s up for visiting and is starting to get back on his feet.” 

“Do they know who did it yet?” 

  
A pained look crept on her face.

“Still not a clue. All we know is that one day he just…. Completely shut down.” Changing the subject. “Anyways, could you bring back some takeout? I’m too lazy to leave the house and if you think i’m going to make stovetop ramen again.”

“AND. Just **WHO** was supposed to do the grocery shopping this week?”

There was no response, just a beaming face.

A long sigh released from his lungs. 

“Sure, I’ll be in Downtown Yongenjaya, just text me where to pick up from.”

Sliding on a sleek black jacket, he opened the door to leave the apartment.

“I’ll find out who did it. Just hang in there, Shiho, Ann.”

-

\--

\---

It really was a nice day today. A mild breeze, sunny sky. It was on the lines of perfect. And with that, a few steps further I found myself in front of a cafe labeled “Leblanc: Coffee & Curry”. Giving myself a few adjustments, and patting down my hair, I placed my hand on the door handle and entered the cafe. Taking a quick scan, I could easily spot Akira, slothing in his seat leaning on one hand as he was engrossed in his phone with the other.

I really did must’ve woke him up at the wrong time. Instead of something on the stylish end, he wore a black v neck to match his.. black.. jacket. That matched his…... black jeans that, yes, paired well with his………..

Wait for it.

**Black shoes.**

**Couldn’t have guessed.**

Meeting eyes, Akira skimmed me up and down, with a long stare into my eyes before the devil himself placed a smirk on his face.

“Well, well, well. Grandpa decided to change it up today.” 

WHHYYY did he have to be like this? Why can’t being with him be a simple encounter. Constantly being roasted by this man…

~~**((A/N: BITCH YOU JUST ROASTED HIM IN YOUR HEAD? CTFU….))** ~~

I’m in turmoil.

“I thought I'd dress more lax. As a treat.”

“Oh, You know how hard I get over your middle-age sweaters from The Gap.” 

Sarcasm. As always.

“Well, I’m glad at least one person approves.” I say as I crouch down to sit in the seat adjacent to him, it was a spot facing away from the door. “You seemed to change things up today as well. A more masculine look it seems.”

“It takes me 30 minutes just to tuck my balls in, yeah it wasn’t happening….Unless?” 

I could physically hear the smirk tearing further. 

“You were looking forward to seeing me all prepped and dolled up, just for you.” A wink was presented. 

Responding with a laugh, “You wish.”.

“Oh!.. But Mr. Detective... I’m the _suspect!_ W-what would the others think if they _saw us like this_?”

“Akira..”

“Yeah, yeah. Stop harassing you.” He motioned a swat of the hand. “You know? You woke me up at an ingratiating hour. This better be quite the scoop, gay boy.”

“Gay….boy?” I shook my head. 

“Alas, The side character makes her appearance!” Before continuing the conversation, a petite lady with long straightened orange hair approached at our table, bending over so her head was in the way of our conversation, interrupting. 

Ah, Akira’s younger sister, Futaba, was working today. She must’ve been prepping in the back as I walked in. She’s a chippery young girl with an unhealthy amount of knowledge when it comes to technology. 

One time while Akira and I were discussing matters, my macbook peaked in it’s malfunctioning abilities and he went off on how his sister was a guru when it comes to this kind of stuff and could fix it for cheap. Trusting his words, That’s how I met her for the first time, and this cafe as well. 

Curry and coffee… It’s kind of his family’s profession. From what he’s told, not much business comes around, but this place holds as a safe haven for people of all kinds, problems or not. 

It truly does have a home-y atmosphere.

That’s one of the few things I know about Akira’s personal life. Every little spec of information about him is a personal treasure for my memory.

“Why hello there, Futaba. How are you doing on this wonderful day?”

“I’m working, how do you THINK I feel?” 

Akira decided to break the connection between her and I. “I mean. Do you feel? I’m pretty sure that’s just the javascript inside you acting on autopilot.”

“I don’t want to hear fighting words from a man who runs an MMORPG off a toaster.”

“I can run Clash of Clans on a Nokia 3310. I’m what the ladies say…. On another level.”

“Level of stupid* What do you want anyways.”

“What does the chef recommend?”

“Curry.”

“Anything else?”

“Coffee.”

“I don’t want either of those.”

Watching them bicker back and forth was always a very interesting thing. Television isn’t needed when they're around.

“WHATever. What does your not-boyfriend want.”

Not-Boyfriend…? Is that what I am now?

“A cup of decaf with a plate of curry sounds marvelous, if you would be so kind.”

And there. I felt it. Both pairs of eyes gave me dead fish eyes.

“Who the fuck drinks decaf?” Akira muttered.

“Gross…..” Futaba retaliated.

“...I apologize if my answer seemed a bit….Odd, I just have a sleep schedule to maintain, unlike a certain somebody I know.” Hinting it over to Akira’s direction.

“OOOhh Yeah, that just runs in the family. High-school days were a blast. Imagine living in a house with 3 insomniacs.” Doing a long stretch, she continued. “Let me go do the thing where I make the stuff. Shout if you need something, kay?” Futaba then shifted out of our way to head for the back to get started on our requests.

“She’s entertaining as always.” I glanced at him with a smile.

“You sure?”

“Of Course. I’m also starting to think sleep schedules aren’t the  _ only _ thing the Sakura’s share.”

“My ears are suddenly clogged. Whadidja say?”

“Haha.” A laugh towards his careless as ever response. “Continuing on from what I said earlier, You're well informed about the Okumura case, correct? I know I mentioned it to you before when we were scrounging around Shibuya.”

“I mean. I remember the news making jokes about how Big Bang Burger really took the bang part  _ too _ seriously.” 

“The CEO got shot in the head, Akira.”

“I wish you’d do that to me….Sometimes.”

“...Continuing on.” I took in a deep breath before unloading the information.

“There’s going to be a banquet this weekend in the assembly hall of the DIET building to celebrate the renewal of Okumura Foods, along with an inauguration for the new head. From what Sae implied, it’s possible that the rival companies back when Kunikazu was in control, will be there and we might be able to find some information about his murder. These people were trapped in his web of treason after all. Point blan-”

“You want to go on a date with me to find murder suspects. Wig, okay. You could’ve just said that from the start instead of making me come out here.”

I should’ve known he was going to interrupt me.

“Well, I thought it would be a wise decision to see each other, and start forming out a plan of some sort.”

“Now why would we do that, it’s pretty simple really. I go in, I give the most suspicious guy some head and after he cums out the details into my mouth, you pay me.”

All I could do was facepalm. Why did he have to think this way. Constantly.

“You can’t just drive your way through a murder case by giving fellatio.”

“Is that a challenge?”

“It’s a moral fact.”

“You always seem to get really antsy when I talk about head. Any particular reason why?”

“Because that’s. Literally. What’s always on your mind.”

“I mean, whenever I’m around you I can’t help but think about how fat your dick is to be perfectly honest.”

“..Can we change the subject?..”

“Only if you admit your feelings for me finally.”

“If we complete this case, I might consider it.”

“Won’t forget it. Remember that Goro.”

With a few more mumblings, Futaba came back over to deliver the drinks.

“the decaf for the prince AAND Here’s a pussy latte with a shit ton of sugar for you. And yes Akira, I did spit in it.”

“Yum, i didn’t have to pay for an extra pump this time.” He admitted. 

“..”

“...”

A moment of silence.

“Yeah.” Akira broke it (again).

“Oh yeah, Akira!” You could practically see the puppy dog ears on her light up. “There’s going to be a Featherman event in Akihabara in 2 weeks. Take meeee, take me!”

“Ask Yusuke.”

“Buut we never go out anywhere anymore… Also! You can stock up on cosplay materials while we're out in that area.”

“AAANNggh.hhhh.” Akira furrowed his eyebrows and was entranced in deep thought for a moment. “You got me there.”

I should mention, Akira has a hobby for dressing in feminine fashion. He wasn’t into it today, but half of the time he puts on a sort of gothic dominatrix kind of get up. Actually, before I met him (and still ongoing), there was a infamous rumor around the red light district on how there was a femme fatale that would find or give any information you could ever think of if you offered enough cash wise. 

At first, I didn’t believe it since… Well, rumors and all. That was until I saw it in person myself. I couldn’t ever forget that day. The way Akira punched me in the face and dug his heel deep into my chest. A classic-yet-painful incident. I had accidentally caught him handling business in an alley down in Shinjuku one day, and he mistook me for being a backup for the man he was pursuing after. Immediately after realization, Akira felt terrible and was stuttering and kept saying how sorry he was, with a bow and all. With that and between conversations we had back and forth, We slowly became business partners of some sort. With only my wallet at stake that is.

At the right moment, I slapped myself back into reality as I heard the two finishing up their conversation. 

“Oh! Let me head back and check on how everything is cooking. Beee… right back.” She waddled off.

Akira at long last after seeing her take off, shifted his direction back towards me.

“So. Do you have a list of those attending? How the hell are you getting in anyways? Being a celebrity is finally paying off now is it?”

“Something like that, Sae is supposed to be sending me more information later, and I can forward it to you once that happens.”

“Cool………So..” He trailed off. You got anything planned in the meantime, Mr. Detective? We could always check out some of the stores nearby. We haven’t hung casually seen each other for a minute.”

Damn. Of all days too. 

Work had to get in my way as always. There’s been many cases going on in the city lately so things have been busier on my end. I can’t complain since work is money, but knowing Akira on a personal scale is still something I’d like to make room for. He’s my dearest partner after all.

“Unfortunately, I have to head back to the DIET building to look at a few corpses this evening. Exciting, right?” I pick up my cup of coffee and intake a sip.

Delicious as always.

“This is where you look at one of the bodies and tell your coworkers how damn that lasagna is looking crisp.”

“Funny..”

“Please, I’m trying here.”

“So, you are.”

“Yeah.”

He shrugged. “It’s too bad.. At least have me walk you to the station. I deserve to see you that much.”

“Oh? You deserve it now?”

“I’m the King of this coffee shop and these are my direct orders.”

I shook my head and brought the glass back to my lips. “I’ll make sure to tell Soijiro.”

Futaba came back over and dropped off our dishes. We both ordered their self proclaimed best-in-the-world curry. Which isn’t necessarily an understatement. It’s a bit on the spicy side with nodes of sweet. The seasoning in general adds a unique touch. Pure comfort food. 

Usually when Akira is the one making it, he tends to add a little more spice in it than usual then jokes on how now it’s “white people proof”.

Today on the other hand, it’s more on the sweeter side and has more meat involved. I guess that’s one of the warming sides of knowing the Sakura family. They all have their own unique touch.

We sat and enjoyed the meal we had together, indulging in conversations that didn’t have any real meaning. He told me how his cat, Morgana ripped into the trash can and had scattered a rotisserie chicken carcass all over the kitchen floor when he woke up a few days ago.

His mind sure is….. Interesting to say the very least. There’s also interesting stories he’ll share between him and his roommate, Ann. One time he had shared on how lazy they’ll be to do chores around the house, such as grocery shopping. This laziness ended up with them eating nothing but Subway for 2 weeks straight because they didn’t want to go shopping in the heat.

I found out his usual is the meatball marinara, extra toasted of course.

Not that it means anything.

We finished up our meals, paid (I did, even if Futaba kept insisting how it was on the house.. I’m sure Soijiro wouldn’t like the idea of his own daughter giving out food for free.), and started walking towards the train station. 

We were walking side-by-side with each other, hands and arms accidentally brushing sometimes. Akira always walks with a weird slant so this happens often. I’m sure he just has one leg a centimetre short if I had to put my opinion in. He’d definitely slap me if I mentioned that though. He already gets snarky when I mention how I’m an inch taller than him.

“ **SO.** You just HAD to be busy on a **BEAUTIFUL DAY** such as **THIS** one. Didn’t you.”

“It appears so!” An accidental bump in the shoulders happened.

“This is on purpose. I can sense it.”

“Now… Why would you say that?”

“You're a professional when it comes to lies, Sherlock.”

A click of the tongue. “I’m a detective, not a lawyer. I thought you of all people could grasp that in a sense.”

“Yeah, Yeah. I’m joking.” He gave up with the remarks. “You better be taking care of yourself though. You’ve been nonstop with this gig nonstop for the past like. Month.”

“It sounds as though you care.”

“I need my biggest source of income to not die on me.”

“There we have it. I was almost scared there.”

“But really though.” Akira’s voice seemed as though there was warmth behind it, almost nurturing. “If things start to pile up too much on your end and you need to take a load off. I’m here for you, as your partner.” 

  
Wow. I’m really hoping that's the caffeine in the coffee kicking in right now from how my heart is reacting. _Wait_. **I got** **decaf**.

**..**

**I’m really hoping that's the caffeine in the coffee kicking in right now.**

**I’m really hoping that's the caffeine in the coffee kicking in right now.**

“I’ll keep that in mind, Akira.” Was my face this uplifted this entire time?

“Even if it means scraping your toilet bowl clean with my tongue and vacuuming the dust on your rugs with my teeth.”

AND…. _out_ the window my expression goes.

“..I’ll keep that in mind. Akira.”

“You sound as though you're disappointed.”

“No. That’s not it at.. all. Ha…. Ha.”

After turning a few corners, we finally met the station’s entrance. 

“See you around, Gay Boy. and you better forward that shit ASAP so I can start doing things on my end.”

“Don’t worry, I will. So what are you going to do for the rest of the day?” 

It was just a curious thought I had. I never really know what he does in his free time. I’m pretty sure he’s what they call a “gamer”?

“I gotta go get Ann some takeout then I’m clonking the fuck out as soon as I bust through the door.”

“Should I say Goodnight then?”

“Probably.”

I start to walk towards the staircase. “Goodnight then, Watson.”

“And have a safe journey, Sherlock.” He waved back, releasing an angelic smile. Softened eyes and all.

Keeping my posture, I continued down the staircase, til he wasn’t in sight anymore. 

And then.

BOOM.

Heat rose to my face, I could feel myself coming down with a fever of 450 degrees, waiting for a pizza to be baked with all these emotions I was suppressing.

Great. I was having an Akira thought now.

He’s so cringey. What the fuck. What the fuck.

Ugh. But I can’t have that affect me right now, though. 

I shook my head, as if my feelings were going to splatter away like a wet dog after being hosed down.

I got to get my thoughts collected for the people I’m meeting.

Taking in a final deep breath, I started walking towards my train.


End file.
